Its official. Cats have taken over the internet. Do you remember the last time you scrolled though your timeline and didn’t stop to see at least one adorable cat video? We cant either. Gone are the days when being a cat lady meant you lived alone with 50 cats and had no friends. Today’s cat lady is more like..well Karl Lagerfeld! And why not, cats are adorably grumpy and make the best pets. And hello they even clean themselves.
All pets are adorable, but the real test of love comes from a cat. When a cat shows you affection that’s when you know you’ve really done something to deserve it. They are also really cute. There’s no point lamenting over the fact that your friends post pictures of tiny lovable furballs that get a thousand likes on Instagram, while that selfie that you took 10 minutes to perfect gets only 50. You know what they say – when you cant beat them, join ’em. In other words, get a cat! Not for Instagram of course, but for the fact they will change your life with their general adorableness, and are really the coolest pets ever. So here we have some tips to help you on your journey to becoming a successful cat owner, or as the rest of the world will call you – a cat lady!
1. You need to acquire more than one cat. That’s just the way it goes. One is good, but two is a whole new lifestyle.
2. Take at least 50 pictures of your cats each day. If your phone storage is not filling up every other day you are doing it wrong. I’m talking about having to create a whole new Instagram account just so you can show the world those pictures before deleting them.
3. You also need to know that every day is #caturday! Hence your most used hastags need to be #catstagram and #catsofinstagram. Also my favourite: #cantevendealwithallthecuteness (Yes its a real thing).
4. Refer to them as ‘my babies’ at all times and bring them up at least once in every conversation you have. Send out a monthly newsletter to friends and family titled ‘Look how fast my babies are growing up!!’ or something along those lines.
5. Have you heard of babyproofing? Well good, but your house needs to be cat proofed. That means no plants that are dangerous for them(they will find them and chew them up and then throw up all over your new carpet), no little glass figurines on shelves (they will knock them off, even as you shout/beg/plead at them to stop), and no exposed wires that they can chew up (I’ve gone through 2 iPhone charging cables and 3 earphones). They really seem to like chewing things up. I have only managed to keep cactus plants alive around the house so far.
6. Buy them a toy or a treat every time time you go out. This helps with the guilt of leaving them alone at home while you go out. Yes they will probably play with the box the toy came in and completely ignore the toy you spent 25 minutes selecting, but that’s completely okay. They will be appeased and will disapprove of you less for abandoning them to go have fun.
7. Your Snapchat story should be at least 80% about your cats, if not completely. Bonus points if you can get them to fall asleep in weird places, like on your laptop or your shoulder and film them sleeping. No its not creepy at all, and people really seem to find that adorable.
8. When your colleagues show you pictures of their children, show them pictures of your cats on your phone.
9. Have at least one fight each day with the same colleagues, or even better with random strangers about the virtues of cats as pets over dogs. If you don’t win, then you can’t be a Cat Lady. Sorry, I didn’t make the rules. Repeat steps 1-9.
10. And finally, when your friends start accepting things like “Nah, I’m giving my cat a bath that day” or “Sorry my cats seem distant, I’m going home early to spend some quality time with them” or “Not sure if Friday works for me, let me speak to <insert name of cat> and get back to you” as valid excuses then you know you’ve done it! You are now a proud Cat Lady. Congratulations and welcome to the club 🙂
Special thanks to Sylvester and Dobby for being very patient models for this post 🙂